November 25, 2008
• Talking about the economy over the weekend, Barack Obama said, “There are no quick, easy fixes.” To which Amy Winehouse said, “There are in my neighborhood.” --Jay Leno • Down in Washington, the big Capitol Hill Christmas tree arrived. The contract to decorate the tree went to Halliburton for $10 billion. --David Letterman • Another good day for the stock market. Up almost 400 points today. If this keeps up every day for the next three years, we’ll Read Full Article
November 23, 2008
"Executives of General Motors, Ford and Chrysler testified on Capitol Hill, trying to get a $25 billion loan. President Bush was against the loan until Dick Cheney whispered in his ear, 'Cars use oil.'" --Jay Leno "The auto executives for the Big Three are being criticized now, because, before they asked Congress for billions of dollars, they all flew to Washington in private jets. Yeah, separately, in private jets. In their defense, the executives said, 'We would have driven, but our cars Read Full Article
November 10, 2008
"And according to a federal report, unemployment claims went up by 300,000. And that's just Republicans in Washington." --Jay Leno "Some of the smaller elections across the country on Tuesday were very close. The election for mayor in a small town in Minnesota was a tie, so they decided to choose a winner with a coin toss. Unfortunately, the economy is so bad, no one had a coin." --Conan O'Brien "Barack Obama promised a new America in which the powerless will have a voice. So, he's Read Full Article
November 3, 2008
On Friday the kids went through the neighborhood asking for handouts — the same thing Wall Street did a few months ago. I saw the scariest costume — one kid was dressed as a 401(k). Two kids came together to my house. One was dressed as Mickey Mouse, while the other was dressed as an ACORN volunteer trying to register him to vote. ---Jay Leno Hope you set your clocks back an hour this weekend. I’m thinking, Read Full Article
October 15, 2008
"This economy is crazy. Are you with me on that one? This is what I saw today. I saw a Lehman Brothers executive walking around town wearing a sign that read, 'Will work for a seven-figure bonus.'" –David Letterman "According to a group of Nobel prize-winning scientists, because of the economic crisis, the planet might actually improve from the damage of global warming, because we're using less fossil fuel and we're saving energy. See, this shows the brilliance of President Bush's plan. Read Full Article
September 22, 2008
Mortgage and Finance humor: The stock market crashed yesterday, though analysts are calling it a correction. Once again, I don’t think President Bush gets it. Today, he was asked if customers should be concerned about all these bank closings. He said it doesn’t matter — if the bank is closed, just use the ATM. The election is getting near. I don’t think Sarah Palin knows anything about the economy either. She was asked today what people should do in a bear market. She said, Read Full Article
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